Sorry for feeling sorry

It’s 5 degrees outside tonight, but it feels twice as cold inside and I’m balled up in the corner of the couch, motionless, whiling away the hours trying to keep myself warm.

It’s a low point in time, as I sit at home alone, no job, no man, no friends, no money and no hobby, just trying to be invisible.

Until I learn of the death of Daniel. Brave brave Daniel, an amazing and inspiring young kid. Faced with something he had no control over, he fought it with such determination and an awesome positive energy that most adults would find difficult to match.

If I had been put into his boots, I would’ve taken the weaker path. I would be devastated and crushed and I’d have been very angry with the world. I’d have made life extremely difficult for the people around me because I would feel that if I can’t be healthy and happy, then it would only be fair that nobody else has the right to be healthy or happy either. That would be me. It’s all about me. Selfish me.

Daniel took the more courageous path. He didn’t want his parents and friends to be sad for him. He had dreams. He had goals. He just wanted to live, but he ran out of time.

“Time is all I own…” hour after endless hour I sit around like a sorry lump of sad sack waiting for something to happen, pretending not to exist and now I feel guilty. It’s like I have stolen the time that Daniel had cherished so much because his time was limited.

Sometimes, life is unfair. There should be more people like Daniel around. People like Daniel make a difference to our lives. As cliche as it may sound, they make this world a better place, but I guess God had bigger plans for him and needed him back sooner.

Sometimes we focus so much on the little things in life that don’t really matter and we struggle, but life shouldn’t be a struggle. Life should be embraced!

I’m sorry Daniel. I’m not sure I understand why I, or anybody else, deserves to be here more than you, but if there is a purpose for your loss, one of them is probably to stop me focusing on the little things that don’t matter and I promise I won’t waste the time I have stolen from you.



R.I.P. kiddo

I'm in love! I'm in love! I'm in love!

(Lovers Electric is playing loudly in my head, or is it on my computer? Difficult to distinguish between the two these days)

oh yes, I'm in love!
Oh I cannot choose - Manu or George?
But do I have to choose??
They can both park their slippers under my bed... ;)
I think I was in heaven today, I saw them both - together!
Both men handsome in their uniforms.
Heaven. Pure. Heaven.
How can I tell them how much I adore them?

I love them both so much I see them everywhere I go. A short little bald man crosses my path and I want to run up to him and wrap my arms around him and lick his shiny bald head. I see a big tall hairy man and I want to grab onto his leg and beg him to recite recipes to me in his sexy French accent. But of course, they are not my beloved Manu or George. So it might be a tad weird to lick someone's head or grab a stranger's leg......

There's a short little bald man at my gym who is a spitting image of my beloved Georgie. I can't take my eyes off him. I think I'll have to try and make that morning class more frequently, just to watch my Georgie, I mean *ahem* of course I also go to gym so I can get fit and healthy, yes yes, I do.... ;p

I ain't no stalker girl

Rightio, new mission in life, must do The Press Club and Bilson's, preferably this year.

What I am

I am part JD and part Turk

I am Addison

I am Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robyn

I am part Zach Addy and part Temperance Brennan

I am Beyonce

I am Oprah

I am Julia Roberts

I am a stretch Hummer

I am an old Charger

I am part Nemo and part Lightning McQueen

I am part Sasuke and part Shikamaru

I am Donna

I am a class act
I am a star in the making
I run over little old ladies without even knowing it

I am confused.

10 years on

10 years ago I wrote this:



She said I was a sad person
I can see why now
I’m thinking too much
And unhappy with where I am

She said I was a sad person
That she could see it in my eyes
I understand her now
I couldn’t see it then
But I understand it now

Through my eyes, she sensed my loneliness
She could see the frustration, building up in my mind
She feels the lines of inadequacy bombarding my every move
In every minute of my day, she could see the tiredness, the boredom, the inadequacy, loneliness and guilt dragging its ugly arms and legs around me as I carry on as if I have not a care in the world

I like being like this
I enjoy the pain that you inflict
I write this in frustration knowing that you will never understand or want to understand


10 years on and I haven’t really progressed very far…
But I have to wonder, who on earth was I writing about and what the bejeezus was going on in my head at the time?

Lost!

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I would cross

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
‘Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you’ll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

Ohhh, and I…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off
Ohhh, and I..
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

One Of Those Days - Josh Radin

Wait right here
Is all she said to me
and so right here I stay,
Time has reached our home
and I’ve been left alone,
it’s carried her away,
and everyone keeps saying
nothing helps but time,
time is all I own,
and time won’t stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down,

so I crawl
underneath my blanket
where I can hide away
I know I can’t take it
cause I see now
it’s just one of those days,

Now a year has passed
alone I stay inside
and I await the rain,
to wash away your face so I don’t have to hide,
the sight of you is painful,

so I crawl
underneath my blanket
where I can hide away
I know I can’t take it anymore
cause I see now
it’s just one of those days,

I can’t stop seeing your face,
I can’t stop seeing your face,
every place

so I crawl
underneath my blanket
where I can hide away
I know I can’t take it anymore
cause I see now
it’s just one of those days...

Slap one on me!

What is this I keep hearing on the radio??

Lovelorn singles are being advised to wear a sign that screams to the world “YES, I AM currently UNloved by anybody!”

Well actually, that may be an exaggeration, perhaps it's not a sign as such but rather a small badge... and it doesn't exactly scream I am unloved but instead says "YIS.com.au" or "Yes, I am Single" for the uninitiated. And they're selling this for $22.95! Imagine that, making money out of desperate, sad, tragic ugly people... how unscrupulous.

Surely nobody is gonna fall for something so ridiculously stupid????
But then again, I shouldn't underestimate the stupid.... because as we all know, you just can't fix stupid...

Why don't they just wear a big flashing sign over their heads that says "Hey look at me, I'm a loser who can't score a date!"

Hmm.... on second thoughts, where do I get me one of them badges? :p


(oh goodness, I really need some fresh material, brain turning to mush by the second, must f.i.n.d. a j.o.b. a.s.a.p!)

I never thought this would happen

First up, did you know it's APRIL FOOL'S today??? I had no idea...

* I saw a super hot and very sexy accordion player. No, really, I know what you're thinking, come on girl, are you for real? he plays an accordion, what a dork! I know. I totally agree but oh he was so good-looking! Or perhaps my standards are dropping? *gasp!*

* My dad came home and proudly showed me a parking fine he found on his car.... not something that one would normally be proud of however, this time this fine didn't belong to him. So, what was he doing with it? Well, turns out it's a scam! Some sneaky bastard copped a parking fine (for not paying for parking) YESTERDAY and today went back to the same carpark and slapped the fine onto a random car (dad's....) thinking whoever gets the fine will just pay it for them. So damn sneaky!

So anyways, if you know the arsehole who owns a Subaru station wagon, rego# QCZ 607, who preys on poor little senior citizens to pay his parking fine, give him a strong backhander and a kick in the nuts for me.

* Not working is making it really difficult for me to sleep, last night I went to bed at midnight, toss and turned for a couple of hours and finally gave up and began reading random blogs on my mobile (God-bless internet on mobile, how did I ever live without it?) until it was time to let the dogs out for their morning wee. It made me really depressed because those other bloggers were so insightful... what the hell am I doing here???? But then again, I guess even Barbie would seem insightful at 5am in the morning...

* Anyhoos, I watched the comedy gala on tv the other night and almost didn't laugh at anything. Now THAT'S a feat in itself, I can laugh at a roast potato, so this year's comedy festival is not looking promising....

* Speaking of comedy, I nearly wet myself at the doctor's surgery when I read this in one of their magazines today - a man went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with a funny condition, the doctor told a nurse that the patient had pholenofetry. Never having heard of this condition, she wanted to know what the symptoms were... doctor repeated again the condition more slowly this time, the patient had "fallen off a tree" *boom boom* Still funny hours later :)

* Last night on tv (yes, I watch a helluva lot of tv these days) there were some rather less-than-pretty girls who were earning $1000 on average per day... I thought to myself, hang on one moment, I could easily look average, can I also be earning $1000 each day like they are????

Answer: YES I CAN!

Apparently they were strippers (not very good-looking ones at that), however they claim mostly what they get paid to do is not to take their clothes off. Get this, lonely perverts actually pay average-looking girls money not to strip but rather to play Wii with them whilst scantily-clad. Well, what can I say? That just plain disgusted me. HELLO?!?!?! I can play Wii! And if anybody bought ME a Wii, I am more than happy to play with them FOR FREE! Yep, I said FREE. My time is free of charge if I get a Wii. Buy me a Wii and I'll play with you a.n.y.t.i.m.e you want. And I don't look half bad in a bikini either :p

Actually, raincheck on the bikini idea.... that might take a bit more than a Wii....

Woah, you know things are dandy if I'm semi-toying with the idea of stripping for a living based on one stupid current affairs segment :p And not only am I watching current affairs programs but I'm also believing the crap that comes out of it! I either watching too much tv or not getting enough sleep.... or both... shit

I really need a job. Desperately!

* righto, #promise to self# no more late-night internet, wee morning hours are for resting.