How can I tell you...

How can I tell you all the things that are on my mind?

How can I tell you that I have lost count of all the times I’ve cried for you or because of you?

How can I tell you that I hate the feeling of not being with you?

How can I tell you how much I miss you in my life?

How can I tell you how much I need to see you every day, every hour, every minute and every second?

How can I tell you that I hate not being able to talk to you every single day?

How can I tell you that I have so much to tell you, so much to share with you but you are not there anymore?

How can I tell you of the feelings of elation and excitement inside me when I do see and talk to you? That I forget all the things that I am angry about, including all the things that you do that make me angry.

How can I tell you how happy you can make me feel?

How can I tell you how incredibly alone you can also make me feel?

How can I tell you how much it breaks me when I do see you, when I do get to talk to you but you say things that hurt me?

How can I tell you how much I crave your attention and your love?

How can I tell you how deeply it cuts through me knowing that you don’t feel the same way?

How can I tell you that I know of your lies and that a little part of me dies everytime you lie to me?

How can I tell you that you shouldn’t have to hide things from me? You can tell me everything and anything, and yes I may get mad and upset with your truths, but I will be more mad and more upset if you lie and hide things from me.

How can I tell you that my avoidance of you is because I am sick of hearing your lies, that I don’t like it when you hide things from me and I got bored of having you say things you don’t mean just because you think it’s what I want to hear.

How can I tell you that I am using avoidance to try and preserve my sense of self-worth?

How can I tell you that I want to forget you? That I don’t want this rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows, because I don’t know how much longer I can cope on my own?

I just want you to know.

I just want you to understand.