It's a 4 year anniversary of ambivalence.
Unfortunately, it's become a very large part of my life so even if I try, I cannot completely forget it. The date will always be with me.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Frustrated Tiger
Dreamtime at the 'G...
I s'pose if you are a Bombers supporter it was Dreamtime but if you were me, it was verging on nightmarish. You'd think I'd be used to it all by now because my Tiger boys have reciprocated my fierce loyalty with nothing but disappointment. However, losing is not something I want to get used to.
First half of the game was pretty decent but what the hell happened in the second half??? I saw two different groups playing for the same team last night *sigh* I guess it doesn't matter, I'm not chasing an answer here. They don't have one to give me anyway.
So while my beloved Yellow and Blacks were desperately trying to lose the game, my interest had wained from the match and wandered onto other more serious contemplations of life, such as, how many umpires are there on the ground during a game?
It occurred to me only last night that I have watched countless AFL games but had no idea how many umpires were needed for each game... I tried to count them last night and came up with two figures, it's either 8 or 9. And when I googled it today, I got a third answer, 7.
Hmmm... so is it 7, 8 or 9???
(I'm confuddled...)
So, Tigers lost, and Essendon won but all was not lost. When we were making our way to Crown for some supper and a drink to drown the sorrows I saw this guy...
JIMMY BARTEL!
The moment I saw him I stopped dead in my tracks, and just stared at him for what seemed like eternity. How embarrassment. BUT, having said that, if there was one guy I wouldn't mind wrapping my arms and legs around, it would be...;p
Oh why was I dressed like a footy wench instead of my usual smoking hot self? I would probably still be there watching him had I not been dragged away by the very embarrassed and very beer-deprived Bombers supporter.
Oh, Jimmy. Thank you for making it a beautiful way to end the night :)
I s'pose if you are a Bombers supporter it was Dreamtime but if you were me, it was verging on nightmarish. You'd think I'd be used to it all by now because my Tiger boys have reciprocated my fierce loyalty with nothing but disappointment. However, losing is not something I want to get used to.
First half of the game was pretty decent but what the hell happened in the second half??? I saw two different groups playing for the same team last night *sigh* I guess it doesn't matter, I'm not chasing an answer here. They don't have one to give me anyway.
So while my beloved Yellow and Blacks were desperately trying to lose the game, my interest had wained from the match and wandered onto other more serious contemplations of life, such as, how many umpires are there on the ground during a game?
It occurred to me only last night that I have watched countless AFL games but had no idea how many umpires were needed for each game... I tried to count them last night and came up with two figures, it's either 8 or 9. And when I googled it today, I got a third answer, 7.
Hmmm... so is it 7, 8 or 9???
(I'm confuddled...)
So, Tigers lost, and Essendon won but all was not lost. When we were making our way to Crown for some supper and a drink to drown the sorrows I saw this guy...
JIMMY BARTEL!(Oh be still my beating heart!)
The moment I saw him I stopped dead in my tracks, and just stared at him for what seemed like eternity. How embarrassment. BUT, having said that, if there was one guy I wouldn't mind wrapping my arms and legs around, it would be...;p
Oh why was I dressed like a footy wench instead of my usual smoking hot self? I would probably still be there watching him had I not been dragged away by the very embarrassed and very beer-deprived Bombers supporter.
Oh, Jimmy. Thank you for making it a beautiful way to end the night :)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Easy
I thought it would be much harder than this, but as it turns out, it was me who made it more complicated than it was (as is usually the case). I thought it was too difficult to let go, but it wasn't difficult at all.
It was me. I made it difficult. I didn't want to let go.
When I wanted to let go, it was easy. When I decided to let go, it was a huge relief.
No more second guessing, no more wondering, no more mess.
And now that I don't think about it anymore, the weight on me is gone, the sadness is gone. I am relieved. I am happy.
I hate that I let it take over my life for so long. I hate that I had wasted so much time on something that made me so miserable.
It was so easy to just forget. Why didn't I do it sooner?
It was me. I made it difficult. I didn't want to let go.
When I wanted to let go, it was easy. When I decided to let go, it was a huge relief.
No more second guessing, no more wondering, no more mess.
And now that I don't think about it anymore, the weight on me is gone, the sadness is gone. I am relieved. I am happy.
I hate that I let it take over my life for so long. I hate that I had wasted so much time on something that made me so miserable.
It was so easy to just forget. Why didn't I do it sooner?
Naughty Girl
I have a secret and I shan't tell anybody :p
I guess this is more of a reminder to myself, in case I forget what happened, this post will jog my memory when one day in the future I start reading all this again. I'll have a little chuckle to myself because on 22 May 2009, I did a little something something that might've been a bit naughty :p
A girl's got to misbehave a little bit sometimes.
Oh, speaking of misbehaving and jogging memories, remember that time I was dancing with Snoop Dog when he toured Oz last year?
Yeah, I don't remember much of it either... :)
I'm so excited I'm almost deluded!
I guess this is more of a reminder to myself, in case I forget what happened, this post will jog my memory when one day in the future I start reading all this again. I'll have a little chuckle to myself because on 22 May 2009, I did a little something something that might've been a bit naughty :p
A girl's got to misbehave a little bit sometimes.
Oh, speaking of misbehaving and jogging memories, remember that time I was dancing with Snoop Dog when he toured Oz last year?
Yeah, I don't remember much of it either... :)
I'm so excited I'm almost deluded!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Update!
The job is mine!
I like it when people make up their minds quickly cos obviously there is nobody better than me. How can they choose anyone else? I am damn good :)
Hugs all round, crack open the bubbly, this girl needs to celebrate!
Finally, I can get new shoes! And with my first pay cheque I shall get my much needed camera bag. Woo hoo
Yay!
No more being bored senseless at home by myself!
No more boredom!
People to talk to last
No more sitting in front of the computer reading drab and dull job descriptions! And I'd be happy if I never have to do that again.
:)
:)
;)
I like it when people make up their minds quickly cos obviously there is nobody better than me. How can they choose anyone else? I am damn good :)
Hugs all round, crack open the bubbly, this girl needs to celebrate!
Finally, I can get new shoes! And with my first pay cheque I shall get my much needed camera bag. Woo hoo
Yay!
No more being bored senseless at home by myself!
No more boredom!
People to talk to last
No more sitting in front of the computer reading drab and dull job descriptions! And I'd be happy if I never have to do that again.
:)
:)
;)
On the right track
I have had a very positive 2nd interview with my potential big boss.
I cautiously say I think it went quite well. I will admit that I would be hugely disappointed if I did not land this job.
I will probably be in an extremely depressed state if I failed to land this job. And it could possibly take awhile to get out of that state of mind again. An enormous step backwards considering how far I have come in the last 5 months.
I'm so bored of looking for work. I really want this job!
I cautiously say I think it went quite well. I will admit that I would be hugely disappointed if I did not land this job.
I will probably be in an extremely depressed state if I failed to land this job. And it could possibly take awhile to get out of that state of mind again. An enormous step backwards considering how far I have come in the last 5 months.
I'm so bored of looking for work. I really want this job!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Puzzle-mania
Four years ago I began a puzzle.
At first, it was just for fun so I didn't take it too seriously. I'm quite impatient and not at all interested in puzzles so it never occurred to me that I will ever finish this puzzle, I just started it for fun, for something to do, I thought I'd get bored of it eventually and move onto something more interesting. I took my time putting the pieces together, I probably found a small piece that fit every couple of months. It didn't bother me too much, I knew it was going to be a long process.
It was a difficult puzzle, very dark and mysterious. I didn't know anything about it, I didn't know how many pieces there were, I didn't know what the picture was so the outcome was to be a complete surprise. I was going into it blind but that was ok, I had a good feeling about this one. I liked it the moment I saw the pieces. I had a feeling it was going to be a fun journey.
Slowly, piece by piece I put it together and it became increasingly pleasing as time progressed. As the picture emerged and became more apparent, it became less dark so I put more time in to try to complete the puzzle. As I became more serious about it, I began seeing beautiful amazing colours that spanned the spectrum of the rainbow, and that came as a total surprise. I hadn't expected to see so many colours and so much depth at first but the more time I dedicated to it, the more I enjoyed the puzzle and the more I liked what I saw.
At one point, I think I became totally obsessed with it. It bored the living daylights out of all my friends...
They couldn't understand what the attraction was, and I couldn't explain it to them. I just wanted more. I think most people don't see how stubborn I can be when I am focussed on something. I'm a very impatient person so to grab and keep my focus for 4 years is quite an incredible feat. This puzzle has done just that.
It took me a few years to get to a stage where I thought I knew what the picture was, I thought I could finally see the result. There weren't too many more pieces to go, I was getting very very close, many of the pieces just seemed to fall into place easily by themselves... but as it turns out, just to make things difficult, I discover there are missing pieces in the box! Not just any piece of the puzzle mind you, very important pieces. The ones that make or break the picture.
I was crushed. I devoted 4 years of my life to uncovering what I thought might be a beautiful picture and now I will never know what the final product looks like. Someone has decided it was funny to hide these vital pieces from me. Not only that, I have also discovered that I have been misled. Some of the pieces were purposefully put in the wrong place to throw me off guard. I don't see the fun in teasing someone like that.
Once upon a time, it all seemed so promising but all I see now are holes.
Big giant holes.
The once beautiful picture with stunning bright colours is now just one big black mess with wide-gaping holes spelling out "You are a fool". It mocks me.
All that time I can't get back. Cheated.
At first, it was just for fun so I didn't take it too seriously. I'm quite impatient and not at all interested in puzzles so it never occurred to me that I will ever finish this puzzle, I just started it for fun, for something to do, I thought I'd get bored of it eventually and move onto something more interesting. I took my time putting the pieces together, I probably found a small piece that fit every couple of months. It didn't bother me too much, I knew it was going to be a long process.
It was a difficult puzzle, very dark and mysterious. I didn't know anything about it, I didn't know how many pieces there were, I didn't know what the picture was so the outcome was to be a complete surprise. I was going into it blind but that was ok, I had a good feeling about this one. I liked it the moment I saw the pieces. I had a feeling it was going to be a fun journey.
Slowly, piece by piece I put it together and it became increasingly pleasing as time progressed. As the picture emerged and became more apparent, it became less dark so I put more time in to try to complete the puzzle. As I became more serious about it, I began seeing beautiful amazing colours that spanned the spectrum of the rainbow, and that came as a total surprise. I hadn't expected to see so many colours and so much depth at first but the more time I dedicated to it, the more I enjoyed the puzzle and the more I liked what I saw.
At one point, I think I became totally obsessed with it. It bored the living daylights out of all my friends...
They couldn't understand what the attraction was, and I couldn't explain it to them. I just wanted more. I think most people don't see how stubborn I can be when I am focussed on something. I'm a very impatient person so to grab and keep my focus for 4 years is quite an incredible feat. This puzzle has done just that.
It took me a few years to get to a stage where I thought I knew what the picture was, I thought I could finally see the result. There weren't too many more pieces to go, I was getting very very close, many of the pieces just seemed to fall into place easily by themselves... but as it turns out, just to make things difficult, I discover there are missing pieces in the box! Not just any piece of the puzzle mind you, very important pieces. The ones that make or break the picture.
I was crushed. I devoted 4 years of my life to uncovering what I thought might be a beautiful picture and now I will never know what the final product looks like. Someone has decided it was funny to hide these vital pieces from me. Not only that, I have also discovered that I have been misled. Some of the pieces were purposefully put in the wrong place to throw me off guard. I don't see the fun in teasing someone like that.
Once upon a time, it all seemed so promising but all I see now are holes.
Big giant holes.
The once beautiful picture with stunning bright colours is now just one big black mess with wide-gaping holes spelling out "You are a fool". It mocks me.
All that time I can't get back. Cheated.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Charlotte vs Cooper
oh dear, when are you two gonna get your act together?
Swallow your stupid pride, stop fighting, stop pushing each other away, time is against you.
Swallow your stupid pride, stop fighting, stop pushing each other away, time is against you.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Big sigh
My my my my my, look at who has been so mighty introspective lately!
Well, this is not an introspective post, this is a "I'm all sorts of nervous, anxious, stressed and worried" post. Back to basics!
A wonderful thing happened this morning, I was awoken early early in the morn to the beautiful sound of my phone singing to me. I absolutely love it when my phone rings because it means someone is thinking of me and wants to talk to me. I guess it all goes back to when I was a little girl, dad always told me that I would run to answer the phone whether it rang or not because I just loved talking on it (or 'to it'... if I picked it up despite nobody calling...) There's even a photo of me having a happy conversation with myself holding the phone, I was cute even back then :)
Anyway I digress, so I was excited about my phone ringing bright and early on a Friday morning... who could possibly need to speak to me so desperately that they had to call before 9am????
It was an angel!
Ok, perhaps that might be stretching it a tad... it was no angel I admit, but it was someone I was very happy to hear from despite my croaky, groggy state of slumbering stupor.
He uttered some very sexy words to me. It wasn't quite what I had wanted to hear but it came pretty damn close...
"Great news! You have been shortlisted for a second interview!"
Great. I knew the interview went well because I was just too charming. This job actually sounds quite interesting, and it has lots of scope for development and lots to learn, and the potential new boss is not too bad on the eye. I wouldn't mind looking at that every work day :)
Jokes aside, I really do want this job. To be able to start up a whole new department, what an exciting challenge!
It would have been even better had I heard these mega-orgasmic words instead,
"Congratulations, we've decided to offer you the job because you were, by far, the best candidate!" (that last part is particularly important and must be included...)
but I'll take what I can get these days.
So, after 70-odd applications, it's now down to me and some other chick.... hmmm, deja-vu anyone?
I guess I competed against over 150 applications last time and won, so why would this be any different?
Why?
Because times have changed, it is a different place out there, last year I had my pick of jobs, I had the good fortune to turn down roles that were NQR. I don't have that luxury now and that's why I'm all kinds of nervous, stress and worry. I'm very good at what I do and I'm smart. All I have to do now is convince them that I am by far the best candidate!
Wish me luck
Well, this is not an introspective post, this is a "I'm all sorts of nervous, anxious, stressed and worried" post. Back to basics!
A wonderful thing happened this morning, I was awoken early early in the morn to the beautiful sound of my phone singing to me. I absolutely love it when my phone rings because it means someone is thinking of me and wants to talk to me. I guess it all goes back to when I was a little girl, dad always told me that I would run to answer the phone whether it rang or not because I just loved talking on it (or 'to it'... if I picked it up despite nobody calling...) There's even a photo of me having a happy conversation with myself holding the phone, I was cute even back then :)
Anyway I digress, so I was excited about my phone ringing bright and early on a Friday morning... who could possibly need to speak to me so desperately that they had to call before 9am????
It was an angel!
Ok, perhaps that might be stretching it a tad... it was no angel I admit, but it was someone I was very happy to hear from despite my croaky, groggy state of slumbering stupor.
He uttered some very sexy words to me. It wasn't quite what I had wanted to hear but it came pretty damn close...
"Great news! You have been shortlisted for a second interview!"
Great. I knew the interview went well because I was just too charming. This job actually sounds quite interesting, and it has lots of scope for development and lots to learn, and the potential new boss is not too bad on the eye. I wouldn't mind looking at that every work day :)
Jokes aside, I really do want this job. To be able to start up a whole new department, what an exciting challenge!
It would have been even better had I heard these mega-orgasmic words instead,
"Congratulations, we've decided to offer you the job because you were, by far, the best candidate!" (that last part is particularly important and must be included...)
but I'll take what I can get these days.
So, after 70-odd applications, it's now down to me and some other chick.... hmmm, deja-vu anyone?
I guess I competed against over 150 applications last time and won, so why would this be any different?
Why?
Because times have changed, it is a different place out there, last year I had my pick of jobs, I had the good fortune to turn down roles that were NQR. I don't have that luxury now and that's why I'm all kinds of nervous, stress and worry. I'm very good at what I do and I'm smart. All I have to do now is convince them that I am by far the best candidate!
Wish me luck
Monday, May 11, 2009
1997
1997 - One random place, one boy, one girl
David S. Santos, please meet Miss Girl-Upside-Down.
You won't know this yet, but she will be in your life for at least the next 12 years - yes, it is quite unbelievable, but it's the truth.
She will make you laugh
She will share your thoughts
She will provide timely advice
She will be a bearer of good and bad news
She will listen when you need a sympathetic ear
She will never judge you
She will need your wisdom and advice from time to time
She will be sometimes rather annoying
She may talk too much occasionally
She may ramble on frequently
She is a fiercely loyal friend.
As long as she considers you a good friend, she will never leave you and you will never be rid of her.
The two of you will go through many ups and downs in your own separate lives but she will need, and will cherish deeply, your support and love over the years.
Did you ever think that you will find a friend in one silly, quirky, slightly odd & a little bit weird Aussie chick who is really not quite all there sometimes, lingering around in your life for 12 whole years? Would you have gone through with the deal had you known what you were signing up for, Dave?
Perhaps not... but I'm glad you did because you may not realize the influence you have had in my life but I can tell you that I would be a different person now had I not met you way back when in random land.
I know I have been difficult sometimes, and you have been so incredibly patient with me during those times. I have a tendency to push people away, out of my life, for no apparently good reason but I am ever so grateful that you have somehow become resistant to that.
You may not remember this, but I was really glad to have you there when I was going through a really tough time with Mr Jerkface. I refused to tell you what happened then and I know it frustrated you but you sensed something was wrong.
You saw that I was a mess and you stayed to listen despite not knowing exactly what had happened or what you could do to help. Please believe me when I say that if I knew how to tell you I would not have hesitated. It was difficult for me and I didn't want to remember all the dreadful and awful things he did, and I didn't want you to worry. It was something I needed to forget. I wish I could forget.
I can never thank you enough for putting up with it. You had no idea what was going on but you still tried to help. For anyone else, it might have been easier to just let me wallow in self-pity but you didn't.
You were there when my life turned around the day I met Chris and enjoyed with me those young blissful years. You tried to offer solace when I was devastated after it ended so suddenly. At the time, I had wished for some big arms to wrap around me so I could hide from the world, but you told me that I can't hide forever no matter how hard I try... I cursed you for being right, but I still wanted that hug.
You saw me through university, then trying to find a job, and then jumping to another job, and yet more jobs... and put up with me teasing you for staying with the same employer for 15 years.
Despite time playing its toll and dragging us in very different and separate directions, somehow, like an older brother I had always wanted, you always manage to appear and offer much needed advice when I am at a crossroads in my life. I will admit now that I don't always take your advice on board, but I know you won't mind because, ultimately, to live a great life, one has to make mistakes and learn from them.
And I have made many many countless mistakes...
After 12 years, you still make me laugh, your words of wisdom can still make me cry and I can't believe you still remember how we first met and what I said to you back then.
It always makes my day when you bring it up. Thanks Dave!
Love,
Some random, quirky, chick from Oz
David S. Santos, please meet Miss Girl-Upside-Down.
You won't know this yet, but she will be in your life for at least the next 12 years - yes, it is quite unbelievable, but it's the truth.
She will make you laugh
She will share your thoughts
She will provide timely advice
She will be a bearer of good and bad news
She will listen when you need a sympathetic ear
She will never judge you
She will need your wisdom and advice from time to time
She will be sometimes rather annoying
She may talk too much occasionally
She may ramble on frequently
She is a fiercely loyal friend.
As long as she considers you a good friend, she will never leave you and you will never be rid of her.
The two of you will go through many ups and downs in your own separate lives but she will need, and will cherish deeply, your support and love over the years.
Did you ever think that you will find a friend in one silly, quirky, slightly odd & a little bit weird Aussie chick who is really not quite all there sometimes, lingering around in your life for 12 whole years? Would you have gone through with the deal had you known what you were signing up for, Dave?
Perhaps not... but I'm glad you did because you may not realize the influence you have had in my life but I can tell you that I would be a different person now had I not met you way back when in random land.
I know I have been difficult sometimes, and you have been so incredibly patient with me during those times. I have a tendency to push people away, out of my life, for no apparently good reason but I am ever so grateful that you have somehow become resistant to that.
You may not remember this, but I was really glad to have you there when I was going through a really tough time with Mr Jerkface. I refused to tell you what happened then and I know it frustrated you but you sensed something was wrong.
You saw that I was a mess and you stayed to listen despite not knowing exactly what had happened or what you could do to help. Please believe me when I say that if I knew how to tell you I would not have hesitated. It was difficult for me and I didn't want to remember all the dreadful and awful things he did, and I didn't want you to worry. It was something I needed to forget. I wish I could forget.
I can never thank you enough for putting up with it. You had no idea what was going on but you still tried to help. For anyone else, it might have been easier to just let me wallow in self-pity but you didn't.
You were there when my life turned around the day I met Chris and enjoyed with me those young blissful years. You tried to offer solace when I was devastated after it ended so suddenly. At the time, I had wished for some big arms to wrap around me so I could hide from the world, but you told me that I can't hide forever no matter how hard I try... I cursed you for being right, but I still wanted that hug.
You saw me through university, then trying to find a job, and then jumping to another job, and yet more jobs... and put up with me teasing you for staying with the same employer for 15 years.
Despite time playing its toll and dragging us in very different and separate directions, somehow, like an older brother I had always wanted, you always manage to appear and offer much needed advice when I am at a crossroads in my life. I will admit now that I don't always take your advice on board, but I know you won't mind because, ultimately, to live a great life, one has to make mistakes and learn from them.
And I have made many many countless mistakes...
After 12 years, you still make me laugh, your words of wisdom can still make me cry and I can't believe you still remember how we first met and what I said to you back then.
It always makes my day when you bring it up. Thanks Dave!
Love,
Some random, quirky, chick from Oz
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