12 months today

365 days ago, 9th December, 2007. It was a Sunday. We just celebrated an early Christmas. It was a hot day. The Westgate was blocked off to traffic completely so we knew something big had happened. We had to take a detour to get home. Rather than go straight home, we went to get an ice cream because it was a hot Summer's day. Turns out, four kids ran their car into a tree just off the Westgate. The headlines the next day read "Four youths die in Westgate Freeway Fireball"

This piece of news story runs for over a week in the media, discussions about young drivers and speed and alcohol and drugs are tossed about....

The tree involved is still black from the crash, a full 12 months later. Flowers and memories still turn up at the site to this day. I don't personally know the 4 young men who died that day, and I don't particularly care any more or any less about these 4 strangers than anybody else who I may never in my lifetime meet. Their faces are just a blur to me now, so why do I remember so much of this?

Because on that very same day, the worse year of my life began.

I don't want to admit to it, but reality is I have been waiting for this year to be over. Counting down each month, each week, each day, each hour, each minute. On my good days, time has passed really quickly, on my bad days it almost seems like those days never end.

For a few weeks now, I've dreaded today, I wasn't sure how I might cope. In the end, it wasn't too bad. I made it through the day at work, I started out putting on a "good" face and by the end of the day, I did feel somewhat ok.

I think the weather helped. It could not be a bigger contrast to this time last year. Cold, wet, miserable, as if someone above had wanted to share some of this load with me. I like to think whoever is looking out for me made the sky cry so that I didn't have to.

I got an unexpected call from a friend today. She called me at work. We chatted for almost an hour. She'll be gone in a few days so I won't get to talk to her anytime I want to anymore. I did cherish every word spoken because the Lord knows that I really needed someone to talk to at that very moment.

My friend, she's had a tough year. Physically and mentally, it was tough for her. She's had a tough few years due to illness and stress. Whereas it was nothing like that for me. No, for me it was all tough mentally and emotionally. 2008 was a bad year to get through for me. However, for all the self-pity I harbour, I know I'm in a much better position than most other people. I know there is definitely someone above watching over me. I truly believe that. I just need to get better now and only I can make that happen.

I just can't wait for this stupid year to be over.